Most of the time, I question what God is up to. I don’t mean it to sound critical or cynical, but I’m sure it does.
Why aren’t things panning out as I thought they were going to?
Why isn’t this/that/the other working?
Why can’t things move quicker?
Why can’t I have a slightly more obvious sign of you (the Israelites got an ocean parted for them…)?
It’s not wrong to question God at all, but I often wonder what he must think when all he hears from me is criticism and demands.
It’s not like there’s nothing to be thankful for. It’s just that sometimes, it’s easier to moan and reel off the things I’m unhappy with than it is to take stock and remember the amazing things he has done. One of the reasons I think it’s easy to question God’s motives is because that way, I feel I have some remnant of control left, some ability to still affect the situation.
By complaining to God about God, by accusing him and lamenting him, I am slowly trying to take control again.
God I trusted you, but nothing’s happening. So I’m back in the game. Let me take the wheel again.
But the thing is, that never works. There’s a track record in my life of my failed attempts to take the wheel and take control. When I do that, the next thing I know I’m veering off course until God grabs the wheel again.
In my mind, when he does so, he gives me a loving version of the “I told you so” look.
He can get away with it, because he did tell me so. Not in a patronising, arrogant way, but in an “I created all of this, and you, and I know what’s going on, so why don’t you let me take the wheel” sort of way.
And whilst I’m in no doubt he’s going to have to keep telling me every day, that’s a truth I’ll never get tired of hearing.